Question for discussion: why is it beta to tell a girl you like her? I’m not talking about overblown, insincere praise. I’m talking about letting her know you like her, that you think she’s pretty and smart, that you enjoy spending time with her, et cetera. All of those behaviors that were previously genteel and are now “demonstration of low value”, or DLV. Why are we supposed to frustrate women into liking us?
What’s wrong with the “you’re great, I’m awesome, and we’re both really lucky to be with each other” approach? Please don’t fling that crap about women having “[va]gina tingles” when men are inaccessible and rude. We (men and women) aren’t that different, are we?
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There is a certain type of woman who likes to be mistreated. Usually the bar ho whose parents didn’t have enough time for her and/or she grew up surrounded by abusive parents and family.
Although most well adjusted women are fans of men who’re doormats. You can be expressive of your feelings and maintain your male dignity at the same time.
Agree. Doormats are unappealing. Most reasonable people want to be with the person who will inspire him or her to be better, and to excel. The spineless, acquiescent doormat doesn’t have this effect, and is an unattractive mate for this reason.
It seems, though, that a lot of women on the urban dating scene peg a guy down just because he gives her a compliment. He’s beta for admitting that he thinks she’s pretty. Why is this? I think it’s ballsy and impressive when a man can tell a girl that he likes her.
I fully agree in praising a girl in realistic ways. It’s particularly effective to do it in areas she doesn’t hear about all the time, and that involve some insight on your part. Or a lot of insight.
However that comes second. It’s generally a big mistake to lead with praise. Girls get it all the time. Maybe it wouldn’t be a mistake if courting a frump, but is that your highest aspiration?
Negging followed by attention, followed by withdrawl and making her chase are what work.
You need to get the upper hand. You need to become dominant.
If you don’t think so, I pretty much done talking with you. Yet another feminism / chivalry propagandized chump I’ll beat out all the time for the really hot ones.
I agree with you on the need for original compliments. “I like your shoes” is an obvious stock compliment. Girls know that men, aside from foot fetishists, don’t care about shoes. It doesn’t mean anything other than “I’m another unoriginal douchebag saying this to get into your pants”.
There is a place for compliments. I think most women are insecure, because even though they get a lot more attention, it’s a torrent of spam attention they get from unworthy men. If you establish yourself as being worthwhile, your compliments mean something; if you don’t, they’re useless. But there are ways to do this that don’t involve “negging”. On the other hand, playful teasing is fun and can be quite hot.
I like to build a girl up when I am with her, because my experience is that how good a woman is in bed has a lot to do with her level of confidence. The real trick is to keep a woman’s assessment of her sexiness as high as possible, up to her assessment of you, but absolutely no higher. Ideally, both are at 10. Realistically, 8/10 is what we would consider a great relationship– she knows she’s hot, but still looks up to you and thinks you’re hotter. 3/10 sucks because she gets insecure and turns you off; 10/8 makes her a bitch.
There is a time for withdrawing and letting her chase. You want to do this after you’ve made your case and she’s attracted to you, though. Once this has happened, pulling back a little bit is a good idea. I don’t fully agree with “you need to get the upper hand”, but you definitely can’t let her have it.
Negging done right is playful teasing most of the time. It’s isn’t just a straight up hard insult.
The cases in which hard negging does work involve really full of themselves haughty girls. Or ones that have that shell. Often this is really beautiful girls, but it could also be a rich one or pretty and very work successful one.