I’m frankly sick of the phrase “bitch shield”. Let me offer an analogy. A man of inherited wealth and privilege is exceedingly arrogant and rude to other people. He treats waiters and doormen like garbage, calls people of less means “plebs”, “proles”, and “poors”, and he holds and expresses the attitude that those of less means are subhuman, lazy, and cowardly. He is either blind to the fact that he has had an atypical and easy life, or justifies the fact on the grounds that he is simply better.
It’s not difficult to imagine a person like this. There are a lot of rich assholes like him out there. Let’s go ahead and further assume that he can “flip the switch” on his obnoxiousness. Around his father (who has the power to “cut him off” from his trust fund) he’s polite and seems outright submissive. When trying to impress a girl, he’s charming. Around the three or four friends he has, people he’s known since prep school of similar backgrounds, he’s fairly down-to-earth.
Let’s go further and assume that you’re of average means, and that this guy has just treated you like dirt. Understandably, you dislike him. One of his friends excuses his behavior. “He’s not really such a bad guy. The obnoxiousness is just an act. That’s just his rich shield. If you can prove your status to him, he’s actually a decent guy.” How would you respond?
If you’re like me, your response would be something like the following: “What? I have to prove my status to this prick? No thanks. ‘Rich shield’ or none, he’s shown himself to be an unlikeable asshole.”
The same goes for the bitch shield. A woman with a “bitch shield” is not a nice person who happens to carry a miserable demeanor around, as if it were some sort of tactical accessory. She’s a contemptible bitch, plain and simple, and she deserves to be called such, to her face and behind her back. No excuses. So let’s retire the concept and excuse of the “bitch shield” right now.
The problem I see with this is that it is not as black and white as either she has a bitch shield or she does not. It is rather a question of degree.
What your post doesn’t address is the fact that attractive women get far, far, far, far more attention from men than they want or can even manage to deal with, and much of it is rather very persistent attention that requires a firm response to be dissuaded. That is why these women have “bitch shields”. It helps make their lives more manageable. I think a lot of men have a very hard time putting themselves in the shoes of a woman who is getting hit on 20+ times a day.
Yep, to add to nova’s point:
Not all “bitch shields” have to be of the haughtily arrogant type. One can let a guy down fairly easy while giving him a LOOK, heck a girl can give the guy a look before he even comes within speaking range. Most 7’s..well, in my opinion women of average looks 6’s too.. get hit on often enough that in order to navigate socially and handle the need to reject so many (not twenty a day, but woudn’t one every day or two be more than enough when you think about it?!)they need to add a bit of a “bitch shield”. Definately the hot girls do, as they do get hit on multiple times per day if they are out and about. Please don’t confuse all “bitch shields” with those of the most arrogant and entitled of girls. 8’s and up often can get away with behaving horribly to men who have done nothing more criminal than to notice them and grab enough guts to approach them. I do agree such behaviour needs sanctioned, but some sort of shield is a necessity, cless.
And yes, I’m sure however much she protests, Hope has one. She’s just probably polite when they are within speaking range.
Speaking range? I try to always be polite.
I did not get actually “hit on” very often at all when I was living in a large city, because most people do not strike up conversations with strangers, and I never went to bars or clubs. I was usually very invisible in public as well, as I never wear makeup and was usually in work clothes.
To describe my “shield,” it is simply my naturally, extremely introverted demeanor. Every personality test I’ve taken, I’ve scored in the 99th percentile or max for introversion.
Most guys who try to talk to me realize soon enough: “She’s way too shy. Too much trouble to get her to open up, so I won’t bother.” I also give off nuclear goodie two shoes vibes (according to most who know me), so guys either never initiate conversation or soon give up.
Those who get past my very shy outer shell get to see my awkward social personality, with reluctant answers and dodges. I always avoid giving out actual phone numbers and contact information to strangers. But I appreciate that guys have started talking to me, and I am never rude to them and always am friendly and smile a lot.
The ones I tend to really cold-shoulder are those men who come up to me when I’m walking alone, and when they get close they yell out “You give blowjobs?” or “How much?” It’s rather ridiculous, and it had not happened to me until I started living in Utah (one of the most sexually conservative states). Those guys I usually either pretend I didn’t hear or ignore outright. I don’t think that’s being a “bitch” though, more like cautious.
Interesting. I have no idea whether or not I have a “bitch shield,” because I’ve never thought of it in those terms.
What I do know is that when I was first starting out in my career, at one of my earliest jobs I acquired the nickname “the ice porcupine.” Not very flattering, though somewhat amusing. I realized that I would have to change the way I related with people; unfortunately, every attempt I made at being warmer or friendlier just came off as fake and insincere.
Eventually I learned that my best bet was to be very, very polite to everyone at all times. I might still come accross as cold, but at least no one can fault my behavior.
Speaking range? I try to always be polite.
I did not get actually “hit on” very often at all when I was living in a large city, because most people do not strike up conversations with strangers, and I never went to bars or clubs. I was usually very invisible in public as well, as I never wear makeup and was usually in work clothes.
To describe my “shield,” it is simply my naturally, extremely introverted demeanor. Every personality test I’ve taken, I’ve scored in the 99th percentile or max for introversion.
Most guys who try to talk to me realize soon enough: “She’s way too shy. Too much trouble to get her to open up, so I won’t bother.” I also give off nuclear goodie two shoes vibes (according to most who know me), so guys either never initiate conversation or soon give up.
Right. This entry fails to consider women who are naturally conservative and or shy in social settings. I can also relate to your experiences in that many guys actually find girls annoying and “too much trouble” because they can’t read the social cues of shy women and they feel that putting in the extra effort is not worth getting past this supposed bitch shield. She women exist too—but as usual they are often roundly ignored and often treated with disdain.
Also my experiences at being invisible physically to most guys is also true. If you aren’t wearing makeup and are overtly flirty and feminine, most guys are not going to notice or care about you, especially if you are not physically appealing on all cylinders and that includes guys that are supposed to be shyer and more picky.
Lastly, women have to deal with a very real issue of street harassment and fielding suggestive, rude, and disgusting come ons. Women are far more likely to be killed by a male anyway and if she looks vulnerable—then she becomes a victim, especially in a large city. Thus it is perfectly reasonable to be cautious in impersonal settings in which she may be taken advantage—one man’s bitch shield is a woman preserving her sanity and just being cautious and safe.
Hope:
Thank you for admitting you have a shield, but like the nice well-mannered girl you are you make it a gentle blanket rather than a pointed metal one.
I wish all girls could be gentle about it like most of you shy or nerdy girls are. I understand that two reasons they are not:
A. Very good looks means she absolutely needs one if nothing else than basic physical and pyschic self defence.
B. Women are human and some just love to humiliate or tease or otherwise hurt guys.
Yeah, I mean, I have a homeless panhandler shield. Same thing for hot women.
Rich guy developes a “rich shield” because too many people just want his money, not to really be his friend. This happens to him all the time. He meets people who see nothing but a dollar sign. But if you don’t come across as that, then you don’t activate the shield and he’s a good guy. That makes your analogy complete.
Bitch shield?
Its called “We don’t live in paradise.”
People are miserable because this is a miserable world
The only people that are happy are people with millions of dollars because they fill their soul with material things social status and power.
Women are mean because they have a right to be.
I’m sure if they were treated like gold then they would not be mean!
Its just like when white people ask why do black women have bad attitudes and seem angry and hostile!
When i hear them say that, I always say… Because they live in a world with people like you.
This world hates black women, they hate our skin hair noses, the very core of us.
They hate the fact that black people come from our womb,
they despise us and treat us like dirt and we are supposed to act cutesy for people?
I live in a world with white people, don’t expect me to be happy dappy.
ErzulieRedEyes That was a very racist remark. Not all White people feel the same about everything. If Whites hated Black people so much, Black people would still be slaves in the U.S. We also wouldn’t have a half Black president. Use your brain and think about it.
I’ll tell you what though…if Black people keep making assumptions about White people and hating us for what they THINK we are thinking…we may grow to hate you after all.
[…] now-defunct blogger Cless Alvein had an excellent post on this issue, making his point by analogizing a hot girl to a rich man: Let’s go further and assume that […]